I remember the first time I signed up for a race that scared me to the core. I was sitting on a ferry with a knot in my stomach that had been there since the day I left my fiancé, just two months before our wedding.
On this day I had an overwhelming feeling that I needed a challenge. I needed something to work towards and focus on.
I needed to feel like I was strong, and that I could get through anything I put my mind to.
I opened my computer to get some work done and randomly saw an ad for an Ironman triathlon. I signed up on the spot. I didn’t know what the distances were, how triathlon worked, or if I could still swim. I was immediately excited. Then I thought I’d throw up.
This would mark the beginning of an 8 month journey that would forever change my perspective on fitness, mindset, and accomplishment.
Calling off my wedding was the single hardest thing I had done to date. There is the obvious heart break that goes along with the break up, but it’s amplified by the loss of what could have been. Deciding to forgo your big day in hopes of finding something better is both sad and scary. What if this is the person I am supposed to marry and I just have cold feet? I was so sure at one point, am I wrong again?
I had hoped that once I made the decision things would start to get easier. Ultimatley I decided that when I got married it would be with someone I had no doubts with. I made the choice, I called it off, but the pain didn’t stop as abruptly as I’d hoped.
The problem with having planned a wedding is you can’t just forget about the person. You have to spend time explaining the change to your guests. You have to call the caterers, the DJ, the venue. Worst of all, you have to try and get some money back for your cancelled honeymoon. As much as you want to just move on, logistically you can’t start the process yet.
I knew I needed something else to focus my energy on. The allure of the Ironman was a perfect.
The first thing I did was get a coach. I knew I was in over my head and needed guidance. He set me up with a plan and I began my journey to become an Ironman.
Each day I had a workout to focus on. In the evenings I spent time researching outfits, race strategies, bike gear, running gear, swim technique, the list goes on.
Having a race that was so daunting rejuvenated me. Each day I was able to prove to myself that I had courage, strength, and the ability to do whatever I put my mind to. It was a constant reminder that life has unlimited gifts to offer.
After 8 months of training I was ready for the race. My goal was 13 hours, and I crossed the finish line in 12 hours and 59 minutes. It was absolutely one of the most magical, tough, and life changing days of my life.
Nearly four years later I’m still reaping the benefits. I no longer live in fear of change or unworthiness. I feel ready for whatever the world might throw in my direction. I know I’m strong, and I’ll never forget that because I proved it to myself.